I got to talk to Shawn last night for like 3 hours and although that meant I only got to sleep for 5 I was happy to talk to him for that long of a period. Although there was one hiccup that I find quite amusing.
As we all know men and women think on two completely different levels. Not that this is a bad thing, it just is. So last night I was feeling a bit insecure, as we all tend to feel at times, and really needed to hear from Shawn that I was just as attractive to him as I was four years ago. So I ask him "Sweetheart, do you think I'm as pretty as I was when we first met?" And he pauses, granted I'm laying in bed, no make-up, hair looking like bird's live in it, and exhausted, and he's probably thinking "Well sweetheart right now you're looking pretty rough but I still love you!!." But he comes up with what he thinks will be a better response. "Well babe, we've both put on a little weight but I still love you and think you're beautiful." I'm pretty sure there are no crickets in Alaska or Afghanistan but I think I heard some after that comment. And I just know that Shawn's on the other side of the computer screen thinking "That was awesome, I was honest, but still connected with her as a beautiful woman and someone I'm in love with." Except here's the problem and this is what I find fascinating in the difference between men...and women.
When he said that I knew what he meant by it. He meant: "Babe you are a beautiful woman who means the world to me, but we both have a weight issue that I think we should work on." But being the woman that I am I hear: "You're. Fat." Now after he said that I got very quiet and didn't say anything and now Shawn's wheels are aspinnin' and he thinking, "I said everything right, right? I told her she's beautiful and that I love her." So after a moment of trying not to cry I look at the laptop and he asks me what's wrong. So I explain to him his sentence and how it translates from man-brain to woman-brain. And then he starts back tracking and he's like "Nooo I didn't mean it like that." And I already knew this but even though I know what he meant to say I still am feeling very insecure. And he goes into this talk about how he wants us to be healthy and not let ourselves get out of hand, etc. So basically the conversation ended with me understanding what he meant and him apologizing for how he made me feel. And although there are things I'm insecure of I just had to share that story because it offers an amusing, classic example of the differences between men and women.
So anyway sorry I missed a blog yesterday it was my day off and I lounged around the house, took a nap, took a shower, went to Steph's watched "The Bachelor", came home and talked to Shawn til 3 AM. There was really nothing to talk about. The awesome thing though is that it was an absolutely beautiful day here, it was 12 above zero and the sun was shining all day. I love gaining so much sunlight each day it really feels like its getting just an itsy bitsy bit closer to spring which should be around the time Shawn gets home.
As wonderful as this last year has been in finding myself and such, I am beyond ready for my husband to be home. I'm really just ready to be able to come home to him and vent after a bad day or have someone share in my excitement after good news. Life is meant to be shared with those you love and whom love you in return and I'm just ready to share every day with Shawn again, the good, the bad, the ugly. *sigh* Soon, I suppose.
Well I'm going to sign-off for the day. I hope this finds you and yours well. And baby, I love you so much and you mean so much to me. I am so ready for you to come home and help me fix dinners and walk the dogs and go for drives and just share our lives with one another. Hopefully I'll hear your voice soon. I love you baby.
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