Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope all of you have a wonderful time with family and friends and that the ones you hold dear are near. I spent my Christmas Eve at my uncle and aunt's house, with my family and had a very enjoyable time and absolutely scrumptous dinner and dessert. Today is with my "Doo" and my grandmother and family. Which should also be a very nice time. Although admittedly I'm finding it difficult to get into the "holiday spirit" without Shawn being here. We're going to have our own small Christmas when I move. We're going to have a big ham with potatoes and green beans, and pies, and yummy stuff and invite a few of his guys over to eat on bean bags in our living room floor that won't have any furniture for the first little while. Lol. That's what I'm really looking forward to, not that this Christmas I'm not enjoying myself it's just a little bit more difficult.

Other than that everything is going well I'm slowly but surely packing away and getting ready to make the move to the frozen tundra. Lol. Hope you have an awesome Christmas!

Moving, short hair, tickets, and babies.

Everything is really beginning to change. I've cut my hair for the maintenance aspect of it but it also marks the beginning of this chapter. And I've been so buried in work that I haven't been able to focus on the fact that I'm moving. I have gotten about 6 boxes/totes packed but it hasn't really hit me.

But just a moment ago I realized that in juat ten days I'll be moving to Alaska, to finally join my husband, in our house. I am so excited to be joining him. For the last year we have done the long-distance relationship thing and I am over it. What's so funny is that we have spent more time apart in the last year than we will when he's deployed. I'm sure there will be a difference in the emotions in being apart but at least I know I have handled the length of time before.

But I'm not thinking about that right now. All I want to think about is setting up a home with Shawn and getting into a routine with a new job and completely new lifestyle. Going from the country to a neighborhood and having not only a next door neighbor but someone who lives in the same dwelling as us...(it 's a duplex.) I'm also going to have to get used to having one vehicle between the two of us, which is weird because I've never really had to "share" a vehicle before, so I think that's going to drive me a little crazy at first. I am really excited about learning to cook and making his lunch for him for work and making love on the living room floor or the kitchen counter. ;) I know these novelties will eventually wear off but either way I'm really looking forward to enjoying the "honeymoon" stage of our marriage.

On a slightly bad note I looked up airplane tickets and they are $2000 for Jan. 5th and sold out every day before that. On the slight up side on the 7th they go back down to $800. On a all-readers-cross-your-fingers-and-pray-for-us note we find out if the Army will pay for it on Monday which would be an amazing Christmas present.

As everything begins to take shape for the move, for this new journey, it is bittersweet. I am truly ecstatic about going to be with Shawn but I know it's going to be a difficult transition going from everyone I know and love to knowing no one. But if I'm anything I know I'm strong and can handle it, especially knowing that on days when I'm struggling I can curl up next to him and fall asleep in his arms. Anyway friends I'm going to try to post a Christmas blog so sleep well tonight

and I will type to you soon. :)

PEE ESS: I think I may be getting the 'baby fever' :)

We Got the House!!

Well we got the place! Shawn says the kitchen is huge and it is really pretty. The landlord seems to be a really nice guy and is willing to work with us. I think Molly will really like it too, with the stairs and being the only puppy to get spoiled by her mom and dad. And I think that I'll really be able to spend time with her the way she deserves and take her with me when I'm running errands and take her to Petco to get her her coats and booties and everything. Speaking of coats and booties my darling husband went shopping for me yesterday and bought me boots, a jacket, a couple under shirts, a scarf, pretty wool socks, and a knitted hat. :) Let me just say that he is the most adorable person ever.

Actually speaking of adorable unbeknowst to us our wedding rehearsal was taped and towards the end there is a part where Shawn comes up behind me and kisses my shoulder and I look up at him and he gives me a quick peck and then coyly looks away and then comes in slowly for another quick peck and then looks away and then when he turns back around I give him a quick peck until he puts his arm around my waist and we rub noses and I giggle. I thought it was the most adorable thing ever. Mom just thought we were sickening, although I must admit we get that a lot too. Especially from my friends at work. ;) Love you guys!

Anyway that's about all the news I've got for now. I've started packing, I'm working my tush off, and enjoying some time with my friends before I leave. OH! And I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow which I'm super excited/nervous about so wish me luck! Merry Christmas to everyone if I don't post again.

The Characteristics of the Perfect Man

So I was told that my blogs were a bit sad so I've decided to lighten the mood and come up with a list of qualities that make Shawn the perfect man.

1) He can always make me smile. Whether it's mentioning that he is going to get me a dragon or that I'm the prettiest woman he knows. You see I've mentioned before that I have a slight obsession with dragons and so whenever I get upset or down about something he'll always say that he'll make it all better and buy me a dragon. :)

2) He listens, and not the "uh huh" listen he really listens to my day or what I have to say on a certain subject. Like the other day about the duplex we're looking to rent. I was really upset about him not wanting to move on it and he pried why I was upset out of me and then sat there and listened to my reasons as to why I think we should move on the place.

3) He remembers the little things; my favorite movie, color, food, flower, etc. There was one time that I had an awful day at work and he brought me home a boquet of wildflowers to make it better.

4) He makes me feel sexy when I'm wearing no make-up, am in sweatpants, and on pain meds. I got my wisdom teeth pulled out in January and he came over that evening and curled up next to me and told me that I was the sexiest doped up person he knew. Lol.

5) He does the cheezy love story movie stuff. Ya know, the stuff that every woman is like "OMGosh I soo wish real men would do that" and he does it. For one of our anniversaries he got a star named after me and after a particuraly bad fight he carved our initials into my tree.

6) He's an amazing lover. Nuff said. :)

7) He tried to teach me how to dance, he is going to teach me how to shoot, and how to drive on icy roads.

8) He holds my hand in the car and we kiss at red lights. There are very few moments when we're together that we aren't connected in some way or another.

9) He listens to my music and watches my movies too. When he came home for our wedding I was slightly obsessed with "How to Train Your Dragon" and we sat down and watched it just cause I wanted him to.

10) He takes the time to make me fall in love with him all over again. We've had picnics by the river, sunrises on the beach, engagement ring in the champagne glass, gone horse back riding, and had many a romantic night in.

11) He isn't afraid to be vulnerable around me. And as odd as that sounds when I realize that he can be as vulnerable as I am its comforting and kinda sexy. When I visted him in August after he left the room he called me crying saying that he didn't want me to leave. We stayed on the phone for another 3 hours just talking and telling each other how much we love one another.

12) But one of the things that make him even more perfect is that he's not. He makes mistakes, he has flaws, and he's not afraid to admit them. He is a strong and proud man who isn't afraid to use his gun or to express his love.

Shawn is amazing to me and is so good to me. We have grown some together over the last couple of years and I look forward to growing closer together over the next several years. He completes me in every way possible and I can't imagine life without him and I am thankful each day that we found one another and we have made it to this point in our lives. I love you honey.

Pee Ess: And he let's me do chubby bunny. :D

Moving and stuff

So the day began like a few from the last week or two, me in a funk because I'm missing Shawn and worried about everything butttt I am in a much better mood after having a really nice time with my grandmother and a really good talk with him tonight.

You see I have been scouring the internet trying to find places to rent and send his way to check out. The first one was a dump but the one he went and looked at last night had everything we wanted except a w/d and it's a bit more than what we wanted to spend. But it has wood floors, a fenced yard, 15 minutes from base, a bed (we didn't have one of those yet), and a month to month lease. It was perfect in my opinion but he wanted to shop around a bit more and make absolute certain that this was it. And as soon as I got on the phone with him last night I knew it would be so it was difficult for me to say "ok" and not be upset, but I didn't succeed and he ended up dragging it out of me and so we talked about everything and I think we're going to try to talk to the guy this weekend about working out a lease for Shawn and I. I'm not letting myself get too excited until we come up with some solid paperwork and it's 100% ready for us to move in. Which means I could be up there a lot earlier than we thought. Easily by the first if everything continues to go smoothly. We also spoke of other bills; getting me onto his car insurance and cell phone bill. We figured out that combining our cell phones would end up saving us over $100 a month. So all in all we accomplished a couple of good things tonight...AND he got me "Beauty and the Beast" for Christmas!!! I am so freaking excited!!! I don't think he realizes what kind of brownie points he received, although I'm not sure he'll think it was worth it when we're watching it for the 3rd time in a week. Lol.

So basically it was an overall good day. Tomorrow is a double at work, although I'm really hoping to get out of my dinner shift so I can pack. The next couple of weeks I feel will be kinda crazy getting everything ready for the move, which is also exciting. Other than that everything else is normal. Hope all of you are doing well and liked the pictures from the wedding. :)

Wedding Pictures 2

Wedding Pictures

Pictures, paperwork, and lots of work

I received my wedding pictures yesterday and let me just tell you they are awesome and have put me back into a very good mood today. The pictures show just how happy we were and how much fun everyone had. It also showed how beautiful the centerpieces, cake, and reception decor was. And I love how well Shawn and I photograph. He makes me so crazy happy.

As you know we have been doing a ton of paperwork this last week but hopefully it will begin to pay off as we look into rentals this week. It's been slightly more difficult because of having Molly but I think it will work out. I found one place today that not only allowed pets, but is supposed to have an awesome view, all utlities paid, and it has a porch. :) I love porches. lol.

On a seperate note today is my only day off from work this week, it's back to the grindstone big time over the next couple weeks before the big move. I think once we're all settled in everything, financially, will be ok. We don't have any astronomical bills or debt. Although we both can be spontaneous shoppers, so that's something we'll have to control a bit better. Lol. But as the days pass and the day to me leaving becomes closer I teeter between scared out of my mind to being so excited to begin this adventure. Either way I can't wait for the big day to get here.

Today though is a laid back day after a long weekend at work and a longer week ahead of work. I'm going ice skating with one of my best friends tonight and I think tomorrow I'm doing lunch with my sister and Dad. So that will be nice as well. I hope you enjoy the pictures and have any awesome work week. :)

Pee Ess: My next blog or two will be just pictures from the wedding. :)

Panic and my favorite video

I know that the last couple blogs I've written have been a little less "bubbly" than my normal writings but the one thing I want more than anything is 5000 miles away and there are fleeting moments where I feel like he isn't as excited as I am, or as anxious. I just miss him like crazy and it's made me a little crazy. Lol. Tonight we got on the phone after I got off work and he told me that he was in a pickle. And proceeded to ask if he should stay on the phone with me (because I take precedence) or if he should get off the phone and go hang out with the guys in his room. And so, trying to keep the conversation light, I replied "Would you like the politically correct answer? Or the jealous wife answer?" You see when I hang out with my best friend Shawn knows that 1) Either don't call me at all OR 2) If he does call it will be very short. Now this is the difference. Even if I didn't leave my best friends house until 12 it's still 8 where he's at. So he can have an hour conversation with me and still have the night to him and his friends. But then the weekend comes along and I get off work late and he's wanting to hang out with his buddies (which I encourage and support!) but it interferes with our night time conversations. Now I realize how ridiculous that may sound but between the time difference and our jobs Midnight my time, eight o' clock his time, is basically are unofficial block time to catch up with one another. And when I get mad, or hurt, or upset when he wants to get off the phone and hang out with his buds it's not because I feel neglected per se, it's because I'm jealous that they get to spend that time with him, taking our time away, and me being stuck here with my dogs, bed, and a candle. And it's just another reminder of something we can't do together. So I'm not the crazy jealous wife, at least not in the common understanding of the phrase.



On the up side the paperwork for everything has gone pretty smoothly and now we're really hoping to find a place and get me up there ASAP. So hopefully everything will fall into place in those departments.



On a completely different note I had a little bit of a panic today. Mom and I were sitting in our living room when out of the blue I started crying and asking her if I could handle moving so far and that snow balled into what I wanted to end up doing for my career. You see, when I entered college I knew I was going to be an elementary school teacher and I thought I would be good at it. Well after having a rough start to the program I decided over the summer that I wanted to be a Paralegal. But now I'm not sure of anything. I love the idea of being a part of a child's life, hopefully someone that can teach them a valuable lesson about life and themselves. But with moving around so much I don't know if I could do it. I certainly wouldn't earn tenure anywhere and trying to start all over in a new school would be difficult I think. If I were a Paralegal 1) I could receive the degree in 15 months. 2) I could strive to work for the Army as well, making my job transferable. 3) It pays a lot better. So I'm stuck. I want to change children's lives but I also need a job that is going to benefit my family and myself.....so my future is a mystery.



I don't know I guess I'm just having a panicky day. I'm not only stressing about Shawn's and my future but my personal future as well. Because I don't know what could happen in 10 years and I don't want to be a woman who all she knows to do is wait tables, cook, clean, change diapers, and write a blog. I want an education, I want to have goals again, and to really feel like I've accomplished something. I don't want to be 30 and realize that I didn't do anything I set out to do. I don't want to make that mistake. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with Shawn. Everyone around him (including me at one point) told him that he wouldn't amount to anything. So one day he "woke-up" and decided to change that. He decided to join the Army and make something out of himself. I'm sure he wondered if it was the right decision, and I'm sure he had moments of pure panic, but he did it regardless and that was one of the biggest factors of us getting back together. I want to do that so badly, to go after something with nothing held back. To be scared out of my mind and saddle up anyway (John Wayne, I know) but I'm havng such a hard time figuring out what it is I want.

Well I suppose that's enough rambling for one night. I'm hoping my next blog or two will bring some happier news or just a happier Jenn. I suppose we'll see. Tomorrow is work, packing, and getting my music for my last song at my church. Enjoy your weekend my friends. Sleep well. :)

Can't wait to get goin', not quite ready to leave

As the days come and go I am finding myself more and more anxious to be with my husband (something I'm getting used to saying). Between trying to get paperwork together, changing my name at one of the 50 places I have to do that at, looking at apartments, condos, houses, pricing cell phone plans, insurance and compiling a list of bills and "to-do's" and misc. expenses there are constant reminders about moving and I am ready to be there.

Now please don't misunderstand me when I say this. Just because I'm tired of being away from Shawn doesn't mean that leaving my family, friends, and what has been my home for 20 years is any easier. Although I do admit I think less about how much I'm going to miss everything here and more about how I can't wait to cook dinner for Shawn. :)

I think one of the things I'm going to miss the most is coffee time with my mom. Just the hour or two (or five) where we would just sit and recap about our days, worry about the ones we cared about, complain about who gets on our nerves, laugh over something silly, cry because of some tough situation we're facing, etc. Lately I've been handling it well, but actually I haven't thought about it much lately either. My mom is my best friend and leaving her and that special time together behind is going to be so hard. Leaving everything is going to be hard. I know I'm going to miss all the fun times at work, my best friend's and my's crazy nights together, the church family that has recently helped heal me in ways few understand, being able to walk around in my underwear and not be seen, having the ability to walk outside and ride or just visit my horses, being a 5 second walk from my parents, there's so much I'm leaving behind, so much I'm giving up to be with him. Which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, which is maybe why I'm clinging so hard to moving with him.

I mean it makes sense. Shawn and I were talking about it a couple nights ago. Right now I have my girlfriends and my mom to make me laugh and feel good when I'm having a bad day. I have them to vent to when I'm frustrated with Shawn, life, school, work, whatever. Right now I have all these various outlets for my many, many emotions. In just a couple of weeks Shawn has to fulfill all of those spots until I find friends of my own. So it makes sense that I would so desperately want to be with him, because I feel like the longer I spend here the harder it will be to leave. So I find myself being less patient with my family, wanting to spend as much time with friends as possible, and dreading any type of work. Lol. I wish everything would just fall into place and that I can take a pill so the pain of leaving won't be so immense when it happens. *sigh*

On a slightly more positive side things are slowly but surely coming together for Shawn and I and my big move. Paperwork is getting filled out, officially I have changed my name, and we're trying to see where we can move and when I can get there. Anyway I hope everyone is doing well and you're getting prepared for Christmas which is also right around the corner. :)

Sadness, Today, Tomorrow, and the Future

So, as I promised, I must admit that last night was a bit rough on Shawn and I. We were both feeling kinda down about being a part and I felt just really depressed. It's definitely something that's been harder to deal with since getting married. All I want, all I can think about, is being with Shawn and moving to Alaska. So I wrote a little something to best describe how I was feeling.

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She looked quietly out the window, lost in her thoughts. Saying good-bye, or til next time, or see you soon or whatever you're supposed to say when you know you won't see a loved one for a long time is something that never gets any easier. Sadness temporarily overwhelmed her and tears slipped from beneath her lashes. She knew what she had signed up for but there were just moments when spending months a part and only talking on the phone just became sickening. And today she felt sick. All she wanted was to be in his arms again, laughing, smiling, cuddling, tickling his feet. Anything but being here on the couch watching Lifetime again. She sighed and looked out the window realizing for the first time that it was a getting dark outside. The only thing that made it better was knowing that tomorrow things may be different, probably would be different. Most days she wasn't like this. She found joy in seeing a cardinal, or a clear blue sky. She was optimistic and elated about being newly married and moving to her hubby's base soon; but today was just one of those days where missing him was all she could manage. So with the knowledge that tomorrow had the potential to be better, and knowing that sleep should be easily obtained she headed to bed; and fell asleep, silent tears staining her pillow.

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Today, on the other hand, has been a bit better. I had a wonderful nap and a good time with friends at work even if the money wasn't quite worth the trouble. And Shawn and I have really "clicked" today. He has been so good to me and is so patient when I'm kind of freaking out about various things.

Tomorrow is a full day. I need to get up and seriously get some laundry finished, otherwise I'm going to be walking around in pajama's all day. Then pick up my sister, take care of the puppies and horses, go to the doctor's and my banks, pick up the sister again, take care of the afternoon chores, grab a shower, and then head out to my cousin's for a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon and steaks cooked by her hubby. :) Then Tuesday will hopefully be another doctor's appt and getting things ready to move, so cleaning and packing basically. Oh and at some point I'm hoping to find my Boston a home this week and catch up on sleep.

On a completely different note, Shawn makes me exceedingly happy. And I am so lucky to have met, fell in love with, and married such an amazing man. I am so blessed to be able to share my life with him and to experience all the things we will get the chance to experience. We have not been without our share of ups and downs but we have come out on top despite it. There's something in his laughter that makes my heart melt and there's something in his touch, every time, that reassures me that everything is going to be ok; or that he'll never leave me. Neither of us are perfect but together I feel like we achieve something even better than perfection. Because it is because of our imperfections and our differences that making loving each other that much more worthwhile and special. It's so funny whenever I'm asked if I cried at my wedding I say no. Because, well, I didn't. But when it happened I felt weird not crying. But looking back on it and thinking about it more, I think the reason I didn't cry is because I knew that that is where I belonged. That there was no one I could be with that would be better for me and I just felt overwhleming joy to be there with him in that moment. And all I could do was smile and laugh and squeeze his hand. It was truly the happiest moment of my life. And I should have the professional pictures in hand on Saturday! So look for those soon!

Hope this finds all of you happy and well and I look forward to writing to you next time. :)

Layla, Paperwork, and Going to work

It has been a rough couple of days. First of all my mom bred one of her boxers a couple of months ago and monday night she went into labor, except 30 hours went by with no contractions or puppies. So Wednesday they were off to the vet. A couple hours later and being induced into labor Tess was given a C-section. Three puppies were stillborn, 1 had to be put down, and 1 mom brought home. We worked on the little girl, Layla, for 36 hours and after a good fight she passed away in the wee hours of this morning. A sad end to a hard beginning for the little girl, but at least she knew she was loved for a couple of days.

Today has been a day of running around trying to get things done for Shawn and my command sponsorship. I went and waited at the SS office for 30 minutes just to be told that I didn't have the correct paperwork, so I drove down to the courthouse about ten miles away, received the correct form, went back to the SS office, sat for another 30 minutes, received that paperwork, and then headed to the health dept (on the other side of the county), where I received some of the most rude service I have come across, sat for another 40 minutes just to be told that I needed to have an appointment, a 6 page booklet filled out, and a list of documents! CRAZY! SOOO I called my dad to complain about that and he informed me that I'm covered on his insurance until January so yay! Monday I'll be going to my physician with nice receptionists and no paperwork. :)

Today is also my first day back to work in 2 weeks. Which, if I didn't have such a trying day, would be exciting. Because I do miss my friends and my job. So I suppose I'll suck it up and go to work tonight. And maybe make some money even. Lol.

Other than that stuff it's been a relaxed couple of days. Hope everyone has an awesome weekend. :)