So, as I promised, I must admit that last night was a bit rough on Shawn and I. We were both feeling kinda down about being a part and I felt just really depressed. It's definitely something that's been harder to deal with since getting married. All I want, all I can think about, is being with Shawn and moving to Alaska. So I wrote a little something to best describe how I was feeling.
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She looked quietly out the window, lost in her thoughts. Saying good-bye, or til next time, or see you soon or whatever you're supposed to say when you know you won't see a loved one for a long time is something that never gets any easier. Sadness temporarily overwhelmed her and tears slipped from beneath her lashes. She knew what she had signed up for but there were just moments when spending months a part and only talking on the phone just became sickening. And today she felt sick. All she wanted was to be in his arms again, laughing, smiling, cuddling, tickling his feet. Anything but being here on the couch watching Lifetime again. She sighed and looked out the window realizing for the first time that it was a getting dark outside. The only thing that made it better was knowing that tomorrow things may be different, probably would be different. Most days she wasn't like this. She found joy in seeing a cardinal, or a clear blue sky. She was optimistic and elated about being newly married and moving to her hubby's base soon; but today was just one of those days where missing him was all she could manage. So with the knowledge that tomorrow had the potential to be better, and knowing that sleep should be easily obtained she headed to bed; and fell asleep, silent tears staining her pillow.
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Today, on the other hand, has been a bit better. I had a wonderful nap and a good time with friends at work even if the money wasn't quite worth the trouble. And Shawn and I have really "clicked" today. He has been so good to me and is so patient when I'm kind of freaking out about various things.
Tomorrow is a full day. I need to get up and seriously get some laundry finished, otherwise I'm going to be walking around in pajama's all day. Then pick up my sister, take care of the puppies and horses, go to the doctor's and my banks, pick up the sister again, take care of the afternoon chores, grab a shower, and then head out to my cousin's for a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon and steaks cooked by her hubby. :) Then Tuesday will hopefully be another doctor's appt and getting things ready to move, so cleaning and packing basically. Oh and at some point I'm hoping to find my Boston a home this week and catch up on sleep.
On a completely different note, Shawn makes me exceedingly happy. And I am so lucky to have met, fell in love with, and married such an amazing man. I am so blessed to be able to share my life with him and to experience all the things we will get the chance to experience. We have not been without our share of ups and downs but we have come out on top despite it. There's something in his laughter that makes my heart melt and there's something in his touch, every time, that reassures me that everything is going to be ok; or that he'll never leave me. Neither of us are perfect but together I feel like we achieve something even better than perfection. Because it is because of our imperfections and our differences that making loving each other that much more worthwhile and special. It's so funny whenever I'm asked if I cried at my wedding I say no. Because, well, I didn't. But when it happened I felt weird not crying. But looking back on it and thinking about it more, I think the reason I didn't cry is because I knew that that is where I belonged. That there was no one I could be with that would be better for me and I just felt overwhleming joy to be there with him in that moment. And all I could do was smile and laugh and squeeze his hand. It was truly the happiest moment of my life. And I should have the professional pictures in hand on Saturday! So look for those soon!
Hope this finds all of you happy and well and I look forward to writing to you next time. :)
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