It's been awhile

Sorry it has been so long (over a month) since my last post, but things have been pretty crazy. I have moved into the keyholder position at AE and it has been quite a whirlwind experience this last month. I feel like I've learned a lot but that I still have a long way to go. But overall things are panning out well.

I am also half-way through my first semester at University of Phoenix and I'm enjoying it actually. Grades are really good and the material has been decently easy, if it is tedious. Trying to find a balance between school, work, and a social life has been a challenge but I feel like I've handled that well too.

The next challenge is Shawn's deployment. We only have a handful of days left before he leaves and the reality of that comes and goes. The last couple weeks have been tough on both of us, causing us to be at one another's necks pretty consistently; up until the last couple of days or so. Lately we have been getting along really well, cuddling on the couch, taking an afternoon nap together, walking the dogs, etc. I think this weekend I'm going to invite one of the couples we really like spending time with and have a big dinner/get together. I received two awesome cookbooks as a wedding gift and haven't tried one recipe. So I'm thinking about having a four course meal completely from scratch and have them over with some drinks (from scratch?) and a movie or something. Something that would be lots of fun for all of us and take our minds off of deployment.

Speaking of which here is a blog on posted on my FB the other day that I would like to share.

Silently I stared out the window, a war going on internally. No music played, no friendly banter, just a tense silence that held the weight of the world. One hand on the steering wheel the other gently holding mine. I had tried picturing this day over and over again but it just didn't happen. Saying good-bye for a year? I thought, shaking my head. I don't want to say good-bye. The silence was a constant reminder of the inevitable. I fought with myself, part of me wanting to jump out of the truck and go home, part of me wanting to scream for him to stop that I couldn't take this, and then of course the strong part of me; being the wife he needed me to be, strong, independent, and supportive. The squeeze of my hand a reminder that I was here, that I would never leave, and that I couldn't wait to hold him again.

We parked. Got out. Grabbed his bags. And for a moment our eyes met, a hundred things being said within the gaze, I'll miss you, Come Home Safe, I'll be home soon, I don't want you to go, I have to leave, you're my everything, I love you. The time has come for him to leave and he wraps me in his arms, and I try to memorize the way he feels, smells, and touches me. He presses his lips to my forehead, whispers I love you and that I'll see you soon, I nod my acceptance, hoarsely whisper I love him back and then, he's gone. Tears scream their displeasure and I ball my fists as if bracing myself for the next year.

I turn, pray, and think come home soon.

I hope that once he leaves that the year passes swiftly. It's not that we haven't been a part for this long before it's just the extra weight of the nature of this separation. Idk. The other night we were sitting in the bedroom and I cuddled up next to his side and just began to sob, and he held me and kissed the top of my forehead quietly "shushing" me, and I told him I didn't want him to go. But I realize that he must and that he wants to, which makes me even more proud of him as my husband and a soldier. Although it doesn't make it any easier.

Well I guess that's about it for me. I'll keep you guys up to date on how things are going here. I should be in FL to visit in about a month, so I look forward to seeing everyone!